omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
