I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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