Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
