we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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