Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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