Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
smell my finger.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
