when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
