just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
