I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
