i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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