im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I party with great urgency now.
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