no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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