The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
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I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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