Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
