I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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