Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
