Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize