We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
