sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
