Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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