I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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