it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
