i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
