Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
