Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You ate ashes out of my bong
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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