I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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