Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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