That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
