Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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