You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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