Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
