i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
