Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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