I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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