I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
