she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
me + whiskey = a bad person
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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