I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
