Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
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