Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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