I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
