Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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