bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
