I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
