Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize