what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
