RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize