last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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