btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
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i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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