Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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