every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
