those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
