Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
