I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my shit smells like andre
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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