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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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