i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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