I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
