Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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