When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
