how can u be prego again
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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