You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
