his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize