well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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