i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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