??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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