okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
