I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
