And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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