capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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