I'm jealous of your bromance
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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