i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
