My friends, they love my intelligence
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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