Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
