I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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