ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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