so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
