Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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