You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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