sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
