Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
