im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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