1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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