he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
